Hello, friends. Hopefully this finds you well.
I have been away for almost a month and finally now have a moment to breathe, so I thought I would hop online quick to say hello and let everyone know what's been going on.
In January, we lost Eleanor's Grandma Jackie (her dad's mom) very suddenly right after my birthday on the 17th. This was very sudden and unexpected; it completely altered our world. Eleanor was home from school quite a bit and either I stayed home with her, or my mom was able to be here as we dealt with this heavy grief and sorrow.
Grandma Jackie truly was the epitome of grace and class and love. Though Chase and I have not been together for many years now, Jackie was an absolute blessing to us. She was always willing to come watch Eleanor if she was sick so I could go to work. We traded photos of Eleanor often and texted regularly. Right after Eleanor was born, Chase's parents promised my mom they would always be here to help in the times she couldn't be (Mom lives in Minnesota). Jackie also made a habit of sending photos to my mom and grandparents a few times a year. Photography was her thing, and Jackie's favorite subject was always Eleanor. Our apartment is filled with reminders of Jackie's love for Eleanor - so many pictures/frames she's given me over the years of Eleanor, or Eleanor and I. I am eternally grateful for her love and generousity.
My focus naturally has been on Eleanor. My own coping mechanism for any adverse situation is to read and shut everything else out that does not directly involve Eleanor and a good book. So, while I had a couple posts queued up and ready to post in those first few days, I have nothing else waiting and for once I am okay with that.
This journey has been hard on Eleanor, and will continue to be hard on everyone who knew and loved Grandma Jackie. I have found some wonderful books on grief for my girl that we are working through, but sometimes the only cure for being sad is a good cry. We've also been so lucky that Eleanor has an incredibly supportive dance studio/family. When our emotions threaten to overwhelm us, we take Lady Gaga's advice: just dance
Love and happy reading,
Sarah
I'm really sorry to hear your bad news. *BIG* hugs for both of you! Crying is a good thing. Better out than in I always say. Nothing good ever comes from bottling up emotions. We're emotional creatures so when we need to emote we should just let the body do its thing.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, CK. We've had lots of good cries and I think I have been good about showing Eleanor that it's okay to do just that. The other night she became upset thinking about Jackie after coming home from a rehearsal. I told her I had just spent a good ten minutes crying and being sad while she was in class, because I thought about Jackie. She seemed relieved, and shed more than a few tears. Thank you <3
DeleteOh, Sarah, I am so sorry to hear that you and Eleanor have lost someone who was such a vital part of your lives. Anyone who has ever suddenly lost someone they dearly loved without warning can certainly appreciate the devastation you feel. There's no way to hurry grief. It is what it is. Be comforted by your loving memories of Jackie.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Dorothy. We have so many wonderful memories and there is this giant space in our lives where Jackie should be. Some days are easier than others and even as I am reading and responding to all your wonderful, supportive comments, I can't help but tear up again. She was such a light to anyone who knew her. Thank you <3
DeleteI am so sorry to hear this, Sarah. My condolences to both you and Eleanor. This is a hard time to go through something like this, with all the other problems going on in alll our lives. Big hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Marianne. It was such a shock, and so unexpected, sometimes it still seems unreal. There were times early on, where I would go to text pictures of Eleanor to my mom and Jackie, out of habit because we sent so many to each other so often. Then I'd remember, and break down all over again. Thank you <3
DeleteUnfortunately, I know exactly what you are talking about. I used to call my mum every day, especially after my father died, and when she passed away, I often though, I have to tell mum tomorrow only to realize that she wasn't there anymore. So, so sorry, Sarah. Many hugs.
DeleteI'm so sorry for your losses, and thank you. We do better day by day. Eleanor is using the grief book I found for her and it helps. But there are still tears, so we just hug and cry.
DeleteThanks, Sarah. They were in their late eighties and we were all grown up, even our children, so that was a lot easier. Not easier, but you know what I mean. Must be horrible for kids.
DeleteI understand - as an adult it makes sense, though I don't think one is ever prepared for it. Just yesterday Eleanor broke down and started sobbing. It's heartbreaking. Then I start crying again. We have a good cry, then remind each other of something we loved about Grandma Jackie, and on we go.
DeleteNo, you're right, we are never prepared, even if someone would turn 150, we wouldn't be prepared. Because we never know in advance how much we'll miss them. Hugs.
DeleteThank you <3
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear this. It's hard to lose anyone and even harder when you're young. I never know what to say during these things. Just hold on to each other and remember Jackie and all the good memories.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Carrie. I never know what to say to others in these situations, and it is comforting to know others have the same trouble I do. Your words and the fact that you care is more than enough, and I am grateful for that. Thank you <3
Deletei am sorry for your loss. take care....
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Sherry. We are working through it, slowly but surely. Thank you <3
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