Primates of Park Avenue

Rating: 1 Star - Did Not Finish

Review:

Oh sweet baby Jesus.

Now, don't get me wrong, every once in a while I love a stupidly trashy gossipy 'memoir'. As I was at the library last night picking up a couple books I had on hold, I spied this one and thought, why not? Sometimes something mindless helps recharge my brain for the more academic books I usually read. I was hesitant when reading the back cover and how reviewers said it was as though Jane Goodall was an urban anthropologist, infiltrating the Park Avenue Mommy club. But still I went ahead with it.

That might seriously be one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made in relation to books.

This chick is seriously ridiculous, and not in a funny or ironic kind of way. She presented this like an anthropological study because her mom just loved anthropology when she was growing up in the Midwest and gosh this would be such a challenge because we have to have an apartment in THAT neighborhood so our kids can go to THAT public school. For f**k's sake, lady. Please pardon my language, but seriously.

By page five when the author is comparing herself to Jane Goodall, all I could think was how insulting that was to Goodall. Basically, this was just an excuse for a super rich white chick to brag about how much money they have and how hard life is with being a stay at home mom in Manhattan with nannies and blah blah blah. I totally skipped over the equally as pretentious 'field notes' section where she again tries to present this as 'research'. I will not dignify this book with any other response to this blathering drivel.

I quit reading after they got their condo or whatever. I don't even know. I don't even care. Don't read this, it is awful.

A World Lit Only by Fire: The Medieval Mind and the Renaissance: Portrait of an Age

Rating: 1 Star - Did Not Finish

Review:

What in the ever-loving hell?!

My first clue should have, again, been the stupidly long title. If you have read my other reviews you know how I feel about stupidly long and unnecessary titles. This whole-heartedly falls into that category.

The fact that ' National Bestseller' is scrawled across the cover is disheartening and a little scary. Mostly because it makes me think that everyone who has read this and made it a bestseller thinks that all the rubbish in this book is true. It is almost certainly NOT, and I hope people who read this can recognize that and seek out books that are far more factual and far less stupidly gossipy and gross.

My first clue that this was going to be a book to toss aside came very early on. The author wrote, "The papal palace itself was often home to killers and their accomplices. Popes and Cardinals hired assassins, sanctioned torture, and frequently enjoyed the sight of blood" (page 37). The other stuff I buy (helloooo Borgias, anyone?!) but stating that they all enjoyed the sight of blood? I mean seriously, what does that even really mean and what kind of nonsense is this? But still I trudged on because it was one silly thing.

Then more silliness came. Oh, did it ever.

Speaking of Marguerite of Angouleme's, (France's Francis I's sister) court, Manchester says of the ladies there: "...Extramarital sex was considered almost obligatory. Those wives in the noblesse d'epee who remained faithful to their husbands were mocked by others. To abstain from the pleasure of adultery was almost a breach of etiquette, like failing to curtsy for royalty" (page 69). By this point reading this nonsense, I knew that it would not take long for me to chuck this and move on to something that is not so absurd. It took a mere 15 more pages before that point came.

So, anyone who knows much about the Borgias knows that the family was pretty notorious. Lucretia and her siblings were schemers, manipulative, violent, power-hungry, and so on (all had some of these qualities, some had all, I believe). The family is very interesting, and remain infamous as a result. However, it is generally accepted now that the nastier rumors (such as the incest) were nothing more than slander by enemies - notably Lucrezia's first husband from whom her marriage was annulled, in order to Lucrezia's father Pope Alexander VI to secure a better marriage (that would of course benefit HIM more than Lucrezia of course). Yet here we have the author stating as fact that despite her father's plan, she was unavailable for marriage because she was involved in TWO different relationships - with her brothers (Cesare and Juan). According to this author's truth, the brothers were insanely jealous, each wanted her for himself, (while her father also was sleeping with her as well!) and eventually Juan was found murdered - naturally suspicion was on Cesare. This was the breaking point for me.

When authors recklessly present lurid gossip as fact and pass it off to the masses as such, this I can not abide. I read no further, nor do I care to. You should not either.

The Lost Gospel: Decoding the Ancient Text that Reveals Jesus' Marriage to Mary the Magdalene

Rating: 1 Star - did not finish

Review:

Honestly, the subtitle alone is absurd. If you have read my reviews before, you know how I feel about ridiculously long subtitles. If the subtitle needs to be that long, you are doing something wrong. In this case, there is much, much wrong. I contemplated not even bothering with a short review, since I quit this one very early on, but I just could not remain quiet and had to say SOMETHING.

I will start with the positives, because despite what it looks like, I do try to find something good in every book I review. It is tough sometimes, and I REEEEEALLY have to look, but there is always some little nugget of positive that I can show. In this case, it is that the writing itself is actually quite good. I don't mean the content, I will get to that in a moment, but the actual writing. It flows well, and the style is engaging. Any other book or subject and I might be able to make it through the entire thing.

Now, onto the not so good. Pretty much, everything else. I wanted to give this one a try, as I am always interested in these ideas of 'lost gospels'. There is so much we do not know about the early days of Christianity and Jesus, as well as his family and followers. Imagine if manuscripts were discovered that could truly be authenticated and just came right out and said, "Here's the story." Wouldn't that be amazing? Instead, we have things like this, 'hidden gospels' that we have to use a great stretch of the imagination and connect all these dots that don't totally seem to fit, in order to make something kind of make sense if you look at it sideways.

I am not opposed to the idea of Jesus being married, and it does make sense. It is not a new idea by any means, and certainly would not have changed His work or Message. I can also understand the whitewashing of that aspect of His life from the Gospel, if that were to turn out to be the case, as the Apostles were only concerned with the work that Jesus performed and His role as Savior. His possible wife and children did not fit into that mold and thus would not have been something they considered important for future generations to know.

I was ready to give up on page 36 when Gnosticism reared its ugly head - particularly as the author seemed to find a fault in Christianity as we know it today and seemed to scoff at it, while giving favor to Gnosticism. Being objective did not seem to be on the menu. Additionally when the author straight out said Gnosticism was more grounded in history than the Gospel, I knew I may not be able to continue on much longer.

While I found the author's factual history to be interesting, and even enjoyed that aspect of the book early on, I could not abide the constant ending of each chapter with a silly 'cliffhanger'. It was incredibly juvenile and kind of annoying, truth be told. I barely even got into the actual content, the core thesis of the book, in that this obscure manuscript was really he hidden story of Jesus and Mary, and had to quit around page 50. It was simply too absurd to continue.

Danubia: A Personal History of Habsburg Europe

Rating: None given, did not finish book.

Review:

When I first started reading the book, the author's anecdotes annoyed me. I wanted more of a straight history. Again, this is what I get for forgetting to read the sub-title. As I went on, I enjoyed his stories more. However, I still can not finish this book. I feel I can not rate it, however, due to it being my own personal issue with not finishing it and nothing the author did wrong. He is passionate about his stories and those of the Hapsburgs, but much like I find with elsewhere in Europe, my interest wains as we reach beyond the 1500s. So, have it at if this is your style, as he mixes his own stories and history fairly evenly. Simply was not for me.