Hi all,
Not going to lie, the holidays were rough. Grandma is living in a care facility (she and Grandpa were just a few rooms down from one another), so things were going to be different anyway, but no one imagined THIS different.
The plan had always been to bring Grandma and Grandpa home for one more Christmas at their house together, but that didn't happen.
We were able to have a family dinner at Grandpa's favorite restaurant though, and I brought Grandma, so that was the highlight of the trip. She was so happy and joyful and it was good for her to be out. It made me feel a little better.
I was able to spend some time at their house by myself, and a couple experiences made me feel like Grandpa was listening. I just sat and talked to him for about an hour, recounting every memory I could think of, all of our adventures, and the house felt calm and peaceful. It's worth noting that my uncle set up a couple motion-activated cameras to keep an eye on things, and that the cameras have gone off multiple times - even when no one is there.
I miss Grandpa so much. I cry every single day. I call his phone just to hear his voice, and leave a message. He is the closest person I have ever lost and I still feel like I am floundering. He was my first best friend and I will never get over this. I'll just learn to live with it, and that's okay.
I finally feel a bit like blogging again, and there's so much to post about. All of my typical year-end/beginning-of-year posts are obviously late (everything was up by now in past years), but I'm okay with that. They will be coming over the next week or so, and there's lots to talk about!
Happy Reading and Happy New Year
Sarah
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope this new year brings only good things for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Dorothy. Grandpa passed November 1st and it's the biggest heartbreak I've ever endured. Even typing those words is so surreal. But I am looking forward to blogging again, so hopefully I stay motivated!
DeleteWelcome back! I missed you girlfriend! BIG BIG hugs from across the pond. Looking forward to future chats...
ReplyDeleteI missed you too, CK!! Finally finding some motivation feels good, and I know Grandpa would not want me to just sit and do nothing all the time. I read tons of books though and I think you'll like at least a few of them, if you haven't got them already! Thanks, friend <3
DeleteI’ve been thinking a lot about how the holidays change as we get older. How our lives shift, and how the people who helped shape those memories aren’t always with us anymore. It can feel really melancholic, but at the same time, I’m grateful to have lived in those moments at all. Loss of a loved one is hard, but the memories and the warmth we shared mean those moments are never truly lost. Things are different now, and while that can hurt, it’s okay, too. I like to think the people we’ve lost would want us to keep going, to keep making new memories we’ll one day look back on with that same sense of love.
ReplyDeleteAnd selfishly, I’m really happy to see you back on the blog. I’ve missed your reviews, your passion, and your friendship. Please know I’m thinking of you and sending you so much love as you move through this season!
You keep making me cry! But in a good way, thank you <3 Grandpa talked a bit about death and dying over the summer and I know he absolutely does not want me to drown in the old memories, but wants me to keep making new ones. It's just so hard some days. I greatly appreciate your words and love, friend. Thank you <3
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